Tuesday, January 08, 2008


The last time I moved, my friend Ann (sufferer of Vertigo, below) and I ended up having a conversation about life that has stuck with me ever since. We were bitching (as usual) about finances - mostly about expensive apartments and other horribly high expenses that are part of post-graduate DC life.

I distinctly remember her saying, "You know, I thought I'd be farther by now."
"Like how?" I asked.

"Well, I thought I might have a house - or atleast drive a better car. When I was in high school, I thought being a grown up was going to be awesome."

I remember laughing at this, and saying, "...and then you grew up and realized it totally sucks?"

She grinned, and agreed.

I thought about that for awhile, and then mused, "But, think of all the things in high school you thought you were going to have as an adult."

"Ha! I wanted a car...and a place I didn't have to share with my sister....and a job with my own money....and to go shopping whenever I wanted..."

I pointed out to her that, caveats aside, by high school standards anyway, we were living the lives we always wanted (nevermind that the car came with insurance, the apartment with utilities and the job with, well, work. Oh yes and credit card bills for all those damn shoes...). but my point remained, we were essentially living the lives we wanted. (We just never counted on the consequences!)

This past month has been full of hard, not-fun, grown-up choices for me. I thought of Ann as I was greeted by sub-zero temperatures after spending the new year with my HMF in sultry DC. I had to remind myself that it was my choice that put me here, and no one else.

I saw again that growing up sucks - and you can take that truth to the Bank.

But I had to remind myself that, all caveats aside, I have all the things I had dreamt of in high school. Hell, college even. In fact, my life has been pretty neat - and my choices have shaped that. It's the choices I've made (even the sucky ones) that have made my life interesting and fulfilling.

I guess my point is that growing up never turns out the way you think it will, choices are never as cut and dried as you want them to be- but by and large having ownership of those choices and seeing the life you've built for yourself is a neat feeling. That's it, in a nutshell, of what I've been feeling lately.

Did this require a blog post? Probably not.

1 comment:

~moe~ said...

I have this feeling a lot, but added to it is looking at people my age or slightly older or slightly younger who, to me, seem like they are so much more mature than their age. They look like someone older who would be looked up to, and actually, physically look that way. Whereas I look at myself in the mirror and think I sometimes look 12.

Of course then I get even weirder and try to put myself into other people's heads and look at me and try to see me the way they see me.

I'm weird though. :)