If I Were Running for Office

Ok, in addition to the post below (see: Finally, the Saga Is Over), I am also excruciatingly happy that Rick Santorum will no longer be representing the great state of Pennsylvania (as well as the fact that Amy Klobuchar won Minnesota. Hooray!) Regardless of who ultimately wins control of the Senate, I feel good.

Sigh. In fact, it's just a good day.

I was telling my friend from PA this morning at the gym about my disgust for Mr. Santorum/adoration for Ms. Klobuchar:

(Me, sweating): "Yeah, so I like her because, unlike Mr. Discharge, she's pro-choice AND pro-gay. See, pro-choice and pro-gay, that's like, a (pant) double whammy to the Republicans."

(Me, pretending to punch neocons): "Wham! Bam! See, if I was running for office I would (pant) be pro-gay choice, and kill two birds with one stone. You know, the constituents like precision on these issues..."

(Her, sweating to the Oldies): "Um, have you gotten enough sleep lately?"

(Me, doing deep knee bends): "Yes. And on top of everything else, I would make all college students take a year abroad in a non-English speaking country; mandatory sterilization of all child molestors; automatic jail-time if you obviously stare someone's breasts at work (double time if they're young enough to be your daughter); legalize gay marriage, encourage mothers to tell their daughters that they are beautiful on a daily basis; replace lunch hour with 'walk around the block' hour, yearly mandatory 1/2 off sales of all major merchandisers (ala the French method); and make everyone get a hug before they go to sleep at night from someone they love. Not like, love."

(Her, huffing up a never ending staircase): "Are you sure you're ok?"

(Me, thoughtfully): "I would also have a pro-pie agenda. Everyone likes pie. And free dairy queen for everyone on their birthdays."