Sunday, March 02, 2008

Too Much Time On My Hands

Sometimes I worry that I have worked to amass a set of essentially useless skills. One of my few measurements of success - and recent recurring cocktail question - is whether or not I (or any of my soft-bottomed friends) would survive in a post-apocalypse nuclear fall out.

After watching 'I Am Legend', both the HMF and I readily agree that we would be dead within hours, should we be left to our own devices. I mean, I can barely use a can opener - what if I had to hunt and skin my own food? ...AND, what about fighting off zombies?

As a side bar, my friend Ann explained to me this weekend that she and her boyfriend already have a zombie survival plan: they are going hole up in a Super WalMart - all the food, ammo and medical supplies you need. Think about it. (She's right!)

Ok, so anyway, back to my useless life. Here are a list of skills I perceive needing in post-nuclear holocaust world:
Gun safety/operation/target practice
Car mechanic
Ham radio, morse code
Rock climbing/Rapelling
Veterinary science - chickens, goats, pigs
Sewing my own clothes
Being able to suture a wound or set a broken bone
Flying an airplane
Siphoning gas
Starting a fire without a match

Here is what I am reasonablly skilled at:
Use my credit card, and return items on said credit card
Take my car to the mechanic
Check email

See? Not much good. While I believe my pioneer fore-fathers would have hands down been able to live in the aftermath of a nuclear fall out - I mysefl am screwed.

Sigh. There is SO much to worry about.


~moe~ said...

Aw, man! I was feeling so happy today. Now I'm depressed of the impending apocalypse. dangit.

Anonymous said...

Unless food partitioning was based on spelling ability...