Part of my job is giving out government grants. I read
proposals, rank them with our team, conduct site visits and pull together all
the paperwork (to ensure we’re not giving money to terrorists). There are a ridiculous
number of hoops to jump through to get one of these out the door, but I’ve
spent the better part of the year getting the system nailed down. I’ve done 13
grants this year, ranging from $100 - $38,000, each requiring about 25 pages of
paperwork (no matter what the size).
Recently, I went to see a guy who applied for a grant in
Nkhotakota (about three hours from Lilongwe). He owns an agro-vet supply store,
filled with chemicals, seed, farming tools, and animal vaccinations. It’s in
our project area, deals with vet supplies, and buys seed from my organization’s
farmer groups. He’s a good candidate, and I wanted to talk to him about the
in’s and out outs of what it means to get a grant from us and what he needs to
do (the hoop jumping doesn’t end with me, unfortunately…)
The guy had waited for me, but I was late. I’d been visiting
with our admin team, who often need a bit of guidance and direction. In
addition to heading up the grants department, I’m also head of Operations and
Administration, which means whenever the lights go out, fuel goes missing,
guards don’t show up for work or basically someone want to complain, I get
involved. It’s frustrating, but I’ve built up a pretty good team. They just
need some personal attention and management from time to time.
So, I was late. By the time I got over there, the business
owner had left for a funeral. I had no idea whose funeral it was, why he was
there or what his role was. It could have been his mother, it could have been
his neighbor’s mother. He didn’t tell me he had a funeral to go to; I didn’t
tell him I was running late.
When someone in your neighborhood dies in Malawi, you are
absolutely required to give a bit of money and conduct visitation, even if you
have to take off of work. In our office,
this sometimes causes a problem because four of our staff live in the same
neighborhood. If someone dies in their part of town, it basically shuts down our
office. However, one apparently faces severe social stigma if this isn’t done. So,
I was surprised that he had waited for me.
My colleague offered to go get him, but I was unsure. I find
it kind of nice that the whole community is socially obliged to mark someone’s
passing and I didn’t want to get him socially ostracized because I was late. As
development professionals, we’re told to be as culturally aware as possible. I
try- I really do- but I'm learning that this dogma has limits. In this situation, I could come back
later (but not too much later, as we still had to drive back to Lilongwe).
Further, I didn’t know how long this funeral would take (they often go all
day). I hemmed and hawed. I felt guilty for taking the time to help my staff
while this guy waited. I should've called.
And then I remembered: I was there to interview him for a
$10,000 grant. I was giving money to him.
Why did I have to feel guilty? He should've called! If he wanted the money, he would come. Full
stop. I didn’t think that taking 20 minutes away from a funeral for $10,000
would cause him too much social stigma.
Apparently, he didn’t think so either, because he arrived 15
minutes later.
We made it through the interview, but these observations stayed
with me as I drove away. It’s important to be culturally sensitive, sure. But
why had I so quickly allowed myself to be led into ambiguous and guilt-ridden ether over it? It
doesn’t hurt to have my own hard line (which, in this case, turned out to be
exactly the right thing). In fact, without doing so, I lose respect for myself.
I’m sure others do, too.
It was a banner revelation, and one that feels just a little
bit naughty: I didn’t have to constantly bow to culture just because. Not that
I’m going to start demanding my own way all the time. We both certainly could’ve
communicated better. But, I also have a
right to get my stuff done, too. I won’t
feel guilty or nervous over having those needs. I’ll continue to struggle and
learn how to accomplish that is a culture that is not my own, but I will no
longer feel bad.
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