Ok, seriously? Ew.

Kate's recent posting got me thinking about gym ettiquette. I actually don't mind nakedness in the gym locker room. I mean, if not there, where else, right? Everyone's got to change. As long as you don't stare, point or take photos everyone pretty much minds their own business and averts their eyes.

However, if you can possibly sidestep bending over while being naked, all the better for us.

I credit having six really strong, wonderful girl friends from the time I was little for my non-overly neurotic body image. Misery loves company, I guess, and for all the awkward body weirdness that adolescents have to endure, I thank my lucky stars I got to do it with their love and support. Also, it was nice knowing I wasn't the only freak out there (no offense, ladies).

And, after living in Japan, where the onsen culture pretty much mandates nakedness, nothing surprises me. Like the time Emira, Erin and I did the onsen tour in Beppu and got trapped in a giant mud pit filled with the world's longest pubic hairs.

Then there was the time that Emira and I had to take a naked rose petal bath together as part of our "spa package" in Bali. Ok, well, we weren't totally naked. To their credit, they did give us paper panties (!). I'm still ROTFL about that.

So, long story short, I'm no Samantha in the lockerroom, but I'm no Charlotte either. In fact, I like to think my locker room 'skeeve' factor is a bit higher than droopy boobs and cellulite. But tonight - oh, tonight - I finally discovered my limit. A woman was undressing next to me, no big deal. I was minding my own business, keeping my eyes respectfully to the floor.

Which is when I saw Them: ten long, yellow, peeling, cracked, pus-infested toenails. Really, each one was so long you could use it to snort cocaine, if you had the notion (and the flexibility). Think Howard Hughes minus the kleenex boxes. Think yellow like Mountain Dew. This pus as in......pus.

You know those tv commercials for Lamasil? You know why they use that relatively cute Whammy-esque creature? Because if they showed you real pictures of toenail fungus, you just might throw up a little in your mouth.

But the grossest? The grossest was watching her march blythely into the tiled shower room, sans flip flops.

M is for Mouth, I Just Threw Up a Little In
M.

Gym Mystery and Guilt

I went to retrieve my gym bag after my workout today and came across an old woman sitting in her bathing suit, quietly weeping.

It took me a while to notice that she was crying, because her sobs were very tiny. In fact, I might not even given her a second glance, save the fact that she was parked on the bench right in front of my locker. It was either undress with my lap in her face or go discreetly around the corner.

When I did so I could openly glance at her. At first I looked in askance at her through my annoyance that I'd had to move, then it was frank as I realized she hadn't moved and I was concerned she might be dead. It was only after those first two emotions registered that I realized she was out and out weeping.

And when I mean weeping, I mean slow, rolling tears of misery and over tiny, stifled gasps of air. It wasn't just a "my husband's out of viagra" cry, it was "I'm dying of diabetes and my autistic son will be turned out on the streets" cry (or atleast, that was one of the scenarios in my head. I also briefly envisoned her embroiled in a torrid love affair with Dick Cheney, but then - why would she choose to moon about it at ratty ol' Sport 'N' Health? Anyway...)

I feel like these types of awkward moments happen to me a lot - or at the very least, they bother me more than most people. I think it's because at these moments, I feel like it's my duty as a good person to 'DO' the right thing. (I mean, come on, WWJD people! That last word is a verb, right?) I feel like it's a test that St. Peter is going to re-broadcast at my passing as evidence that I was, put nicely, wasting space.

"See? Remember that time when you asked that homeless man if he wanted an orange? Stupid. He didn't speak English."

"If you'd only given that kid a pencil at the Mua Mission, he'd have written twelve novels by now. Your selfishness deprived the world of another Chinua Achebe."

"Oh yeah, remember THIS time? Your mom was so lonely - all she needed was a call from you to cheer her up. And here you are sitting in front of the television with your heathen boyfriend."

"And that lady in the locker room? She needed was a ride home. You gently handed her some kleenex and then secretly wished she'd be gone when you got back from the sauna."

She wasn't incidentally. She wasn't gone.

But she was clutching my kleenex.
M.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

My new playlist:

Touch the Sky (I actually had this one!)
U + UR Hand (I love P!nk so much...I had to stop myself from downloading her entire "I'm Not Dead" album)
SexyBack (I can't stop - besides, this is the perfect running pace for me right now)
Move Along (Because I can't stop kicking ass)
Switch (Oh Will, you sly boy...)
One More Time
Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger (How could I have forgotten my first college love - Daft Punk??)
Quicksilver - Bellissima (thanks for the techno, bro)
Irreplaceable (not exactly workout music, but this song has been stuck in my head for days...)
Udakwa Jalo (good cool down music courtesy of Malawi)
Beautiful (exactly how I feel after a long workout - thanks Christina Aguilera)

New music courtesy of my brother - Itunes credit = best birthday present ever!! Now, let's head back to the gym to give my new playlist a workout...

M is for Music not Muzak;
M.

Seeking Suggestions

I need help.

I've decided to train for a 5k (just as soon as I get some better shoes; knees = ouch!). However, I've been listening to the same 'workout' playlist on my ipod for the better part of six months. While Justin Timberlake never fails to get my blood pumpin', I'm really starting to regret stealing 'Boombastic' by Shaggy from brother in law. (I also regret admitting that!)

Here's what I got so far -
"Woke Up This Mornin'" - from the Soprano's soundtrack
"SexyBack" - Justing Timberlake
"Move Along" - All American Rejects
"SOS" - Rhianna
"Run It"- Chris Brown
"Check On It" - Beyonce and Slim Thug
"Shut Up" - Black Eyed Peas
"Give Me My Auger Back" - Fatboy Slim
"Rockafella Skank" - Fatboy Slim
"Hey Ya" - OutKast
"Since You Been Gone" - Kelly Clarkson

I need something new. It doesn't need to be pretty or hip. It just needs to keep my butt moving long enough to sweat out all those Girl Scout Cookies.

Ideas?

There Are Good Things, Too

Ok, for all bitching and moaning I do about my house/housemates, it does have its moments.

Like right now.

It's snow/sleeting outside, I got out of work early (office closed) and while the rest of the world is slip-sliding along the slick roadways, I'm at home, sitting in front of a roaring fire, all by myself.

Life is good.

M.

P.S Maybe now would be a good time for some hot chocolate??

Standardize THIS

This past weekend I went downtown to the government's Office of Personnel Management to take a test for this government fellowship for which I was nominated. The fellowship offers finalists a chance to earn an entry level job in government work and it's generally considered to be a good way to start a career in public service.

Having been subjected the public school system growing up, I am no stranger to standardize tests. I was a bit miffed that this year was the first year they'd cut out the interview process (as previously mentioned, I usually rock the interview portion) but whatever. Like most things related to government, the process is less stringent than it is tedious. Of course, I say this with a certain bureaucratic fondness - this is not Italy we're dealing with.

However, I'd forgotton about those stupid, tiny circles you have to precisely fill in. And the number two pencil. And the questions that start with: "Everyone with a computer science degree, twelve managers and six monkeys attended the training. How many monkeys have computer science degrees?"

For an added bonus, there was a special "Personal Assessment" portion. Am I more, less or just as agressive as my peers? [WHO WANTS TO KNOW??] Would my previous boss (or teacher if not previously employed) rate me as strongly, moderately or mediocrely as punctual as my other colleagues? [How do they know I don't work in an office with a bunch of compulsively punctual people??]

Do you work out a) 7-billion times a week, b)4-6 times a week c) 1-3 times a week or do you opt to sit on your fat ass in front of the TV after a long day of work at, watching re-runs of taped Oprah and eating a half frozen burrito?

Why do you want to be a part of this program? a) glory and prestige, b) sex and drugs c) public service and honor to my country without having to serve in the Middle East or d) eh, why not?

I'm sorry, after four hours of this, it's hard not to be cynical.

Hopefully sometime soon, they'll put my little dots into the computer system and it will read that I am a perfect match. In the meantime, I'll just have to make it a point to be more agressively punctual than my peers.

M is for More Questions Please,
M.

Obvious.

Stomach flu = no fun.

Flossing

I always think of John McGlynn when I'm flossing.

John was a classmate of mine growing up who died in a motorcycle accident near my house when we were 17.

But before that - back in third grade - John and I were in the same homeroom class with Mrs. Bennett. Like most small schools, Mrs. Bennett did double (and triple) duty on all subjects; she was the social studies, spelling, math, science, reading and - you guessed it - health teacher, all rolled into one.

I specifically remember the unit on flossing. She taught us how to much to take out, how to roll it in on our thumb and forefingers, and to never use the same piece of floss twice - but to move methodically up (or down) the string until we got to the end. At the end of the lesson, Mrs. Bennett told us we'd be having a drawing contest. There would be a boy and girl winner, with the grand prize being a large stuffed footprint pillow (pink or brown) - about two feet tall. If you grew up in the eighties and/or frequent alot of county fairs (or both), you remember what I'm talking about.

Ahem, anyway. Long story short - John and I were the winners. I was sooooo excited - I'd never won anything that big. I still have the pink foot at my parents house, stashed on the top of my bookshelf. To date it is still the largest stuffed anything I have ever won. Sometimes I wonder what would've happened if I'd taken the brown one and left the pink for John.

Lately, I've begun to see the merits in flossing (never too late for an old lesson to sink in, Mrs. B.). I had a friend in college who swore that frequent flossing would protect him from heart disease. I'm not sure if I believe him, but something lately has led me to pick up the floss more often, and subsequently, think of John.

Strange memorial, I know.

Overheard Saturday Night at a Bar

"So what do you do for money?"

"--------" (quiet talking)

"Wait, what? How do you pay for your bills?"

"-------" (more quiet responses...)

"Are you saying you prostitute yourself?"

"-----"

"You PROSTITUTE yourself??!?!?"

Random Website, Subject: Fair Trade

Today's website of the day comes from my friend Chew Kuek. A group of us were having drinks last night and I finally got to ask him about his new non-profit, Village Exchange.

It's based on the concept of fair trade, which, if you haven't heard of by now, you should've. Basically, fair trade involves allowing people from poorer nations the chance to market their goods in 'developed' countries for more than just pennies, but cutting out many of the large middlemen (*cough*WALMART*cough*). I find it kind of exciting because it deals with all aspects of the market chain - and with all the US' emphasis on the making economies - not social provisions - grow, it sets out to beat the conservatives at their own game. Right now the arena seems to focus on chocolate, tea, coffee and craft type items, but it's growing. If you've ever shopped at 10,000 villages, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Obviously, the idea is a lot more complicated than that (for more information, check out Chew's explanation on his webpage: http://www.villagexchange.org/ft_overview.html), but you get the idea. As development students, we're asked to study this alot. I'm not as intimately familiar with all the ins and outs of the industry, but what I am is excited that one of my friends has decided to use it as a tool to make a difference.

Chew told me that he and his partner started this non-profit (based in Singapore) to raise awareness for the issue of fair trade in their home country. Essentially, they market fair trade goods to Singaporean businesses. Rather than create their own supply chains - difficult to do with a new organization - they use other, more established chains created through reputable orgs like the Fair Trade Labelling Organization.

I think the idea is brilliant. I told Chew I would go home right then and order something from him for my sister's birthday. He laughed and said "Well, it would ship from Singapore, so you'd be better to go to 10,000 villages (in Bethesda!)!"

What I can do for Chew is post a blog, raising awareness for him and the other fair trades out there. I urge you to do your own thinking and ruminating on the subject - there is quite a huge debate in development circles - and both sides have merit, I think, to some extent. (For example, StarBucks has done alot in marketing fair trade coffee, but there is some question as to whether (and how much of) the price hike to $9.99 for the pound of fair trade coffee beans actually trickles down to the farmers in Kenya/Tanzania/Malawi/etc.

In the end, whether or not you choose to buy fair trade is up to you. Anyway, that's today's website of the day - and public service announcement.
M.

Random Weekend

After weeks of doing nothing special, I finally had a full weekend. All the better as my irresponsible roommate has decided to turn up the passive agressiveness in the final death throes of her stay. Needless to say, I wasn't home much!

It started by picking up the TOHMF from the airport, after a two month stint in Houston. Hooray!

On Saturday, having scored free tickets from work (let's hear it for being employed!), my friend Angeli and I took in a Washington Capitals hockey game. I'm sorry to say that I was born in raised in Minnesota and HAD NEVER BEEN TO A HOCKEY GAME in my life. This is almost as bad as being American and not liking apple pie. (A predicament I'm also intimately familiar with...)

Luckly, Angeli had been to a few before and could fill in a bit of the gaps. As for the rest, well, we were happy to fill in with hotdogs, french fries and gossip. In the end, the Caps lost to the Florida Panthers 4-1 (not as bad as the week before, when they lost in Florida 9-3!!)

Saturday night, TOHMF and I went downtown to catch a play called This Is How It Goes at the Studio Theatre to celebrate his birthday. Back in Minnesota, he was very active in The Mixed Blood Theatre, so it was reminiscent of our time there together. The play was very thought provoking. It dealt with personal thoughts versus public expressions on race; telling the story of an interracial couple in a small midwestern town. In the end, the audience was forced to question if what was presented was the truth, or twisted by the narrator to serve his own design. As usual, you could count the number of non-white people in the audience on two hands. Not that that's saying anything but...well, the crowd was pretty different from the Caps game that afternoon.

After the play, we went to bar Dakota Cowgirl for our free dessert (as stipulated by the playbill), and TOHMF got a free shot of whiskey. Who says people in the city aren't nice??

Sunday found us resting, reading and running errands. It also brought the first snow fall of the winter season here in DC. I just love when it snows here - people go nuts. It was only three inches - just enough to cover the grass - and it spent most of the day melting.

But hey, here's a nice photo of the National Zoo Panda lounging around in a snow covered rocks.

Dumpster Diving

I was at my friend Tim's house on Saturday night for his birthday. Tim is well-known amongst my group of friends as being an avid dumpster diver.

Dumpster diving is the action of rummaging through garbage, refuse or dumpsters to get valuable (or atleast, valuable to the diver) items. Some people do it spontaneously, some people plan and some people actually do their grocery shopping this way.

Tim is one of those people. Most things he pulls from boxes or bags (ie never touched other garbage in the dump) and gives it a good wash when he gets home (if it's fresh fruits/vegetables). Some grocery chains throw out food that is within a few days of being expired, so it is still good to eat. And sometimes, you hit the jackpot. In fact, on this particular evening, we all enjoyed a case of wine Tim pulled from Trader Joe's. It might sound gross, but Tim is adament that he's "never gotten sick from dumpster food."

And he's eaten sushi from it, too.

While he doesn't do it all the time, he and his friends offered a few key tips:
1) choose dumpsters from high-end groceries and bakeries that are located a fair distance away from metro stops. Homeless people tend to congregate around the metro (it's warmer) and hence, the pickings are slim.

2) Go after 11pm when stores are done throwing things out for the night.

3) Check your local laws. In California, police can't pick you up for taking garbage (hello, it's garbage!) but some states can. In Tim's case, he knows all the beat cops :)

4) Wash wash wash!

In reality, while I don't know if I would do it with food, who hasn't walked by the berm, seen that chair with the crooked arm and taken it home? I know I have (heck, I got one of my favorite college easy chairs that way!)

Anyway, that was today's brief look into counter-culture.

Ahhh! Life in the city!

M.

Washington DC Weekend

I'm only homesick for Minnesota when I'm actually there.

This is my first weekend back in DC after spend the holidays at home and I kind of entered it with an 'eh' attitude. TOHMF is out of town until the 19th, my favorite roommate moved to South America, my obnoxious roommate is still irresponsibly broke (and thus, always around), there's no internet at my house, there's no homework to do (wait, this is a good thing), my gym membership has expired and my budget is tight.

Add to all this that I feel kind of personally adrift after finishing grad school and I'm left with:

What to DO?

I think anyone who has graduated from college is familiar with this feeling. I think it must be like what cattle feel like when they bust out of a pasture and end up huddling outside the fence. For one moment you're like "Wheeeeeeee! This is great!" and then you're struck with, "Oh. What do I do NOW?"

I'm not complaining. I used to be terrified of this feeling, but over the years, as I've matured I've learned to deal. I call it 'pre-loneliness' or 'potential loneliness.' I'm not lonely, exactly, I just don't have anyone to hang around with. And, being a pretty social animal, sometimes I really crave that. Sometimes, it's not logistically possible for you to hang out with your close friends or be near family. They've got work or other engagements or you live in another state. Sometimes, you just have to make your own fun.

Luckily, I'm very good at this :)

Not having any plans for this weekend, I called an old classmate on Friday afternoon and we met up for drinks at a local Dupont hotspot that ended up being filled with long legged WASP blondes. Not so good for scoping men or for the self-esteem, but great for margaritas and snide remarks. (Quoth Lane: "All the estrogen in here is giving me a stomachache.")

Today I enjoyed the 70 degrees with a long bikeride, got a surprise phone call out of the blue from a long lost friend, looked at a new apartment, dropped in on another fun friend, called someone else to tell her of a job opportunity and got subsquently invited to a party tonight. Now I'm at a coffee shop, enjoying free internet and caffeine smells until it's time to par-tay.

Not bad for a person who didn't know what she was going to do when she got out of bed this morning!

Tomorrow I'll probably go to church (addendum to previous post: I also go because it sucks up extra spare time), look at another couple of apartments, try the free pass to a local gym I downloaded at work, read, make a huge supper and watch cartoons all night. Maybe I'll try calling Megan again or write a letter.

A side note to this is that the second I decide to grow up, get married and have babies these days will be sweet sweet memories.

Funny how time does that.

Or maybe this is it? Who knows? Perhaps this IS my life and I'd better get used to it. Oh well, that's another blog.

M is for meandering,
M.

I Don't Understand

Why do people walk so fast to get to the metro? It's only going to take you to work.
Why do you run down the escalator? Work isn't going anywhere.

I don't understand why people are in such a hurry to get to work! If anything, they should be lollygagging to work and running home in the evening.

I feel like I'm in backwards world.

M.

What I Hate....

Automatic flush toilets that flush while you are still on them.

I'm also a bit afraid of what all the suction power is going to do. One of my biggest fears is that a snake will bite me in the butt one day while on the toilet. (Yes yes I would've made a HORRIBLE pioneer, I know). The pre-emptive auto flush taps into all those fears.

And not only do I feel rushed and paranoid, but also a little, well, unnecessarily cleansed.

I'm all for the european bidet (or even a well timed ABW), but come ON.

Enough said.

M.

The War on Singletons

If I didn't know the whole Jesus backstory to Christmas, I'd swear it was created for the sole purpose to make single people feel like crap. Judging by the number of jewelry commercials on TV, if I don't get a diamond pendant necklace from some rugged man wearing a cashmere sweater I'll be compelled to put my head in the oven or, at the very least, be forced to whisper disgustedly to someone "He didn't go to JARED!"

This surfiet 'war on singletons' is brought to you today by: the office Christmas party. Apparently, at my company, it's 'family friendly' - meaning that spouses, significant others, partners, children and other hanger's on are welcome to attend, eat, drink and be merry. And it's tonight. But my question is this: What if you don't have any hanger's on? What if you just started and don't know anyone?

What if you're in the middle of reading a good book and, after a hard day of work, would like to relax at home in front of the fire?

And, although I know this is my comment every year, I am on a rampage right now and I just need to reiterate it one more time: it really stinks that I have to buy two Christmas presents for my married family members while collectively they only have to buy me one present. They live in a two income household!

Bah, humbug.

Furthermore - for all of you men who are thinking of going to JARED, why don't you take your greedy little wives to see the movie Blood Diamond instead? That ought to cure her.

M is for Only Married People are Allowed to Celebrate Christmas;
M.

East Meet Mid-West

Across the courtyard from my brand new office highrise, there is a little art gallery. On my first day, I walked past and pointed out one of the photos in the front window to a new co-worker:


"Hey!" I said, "That's where I'm from!"

Today I wandered into the gallery on my lunchbreak and discovered that the artist, Maxwell MacKenzie was born in Otter Tail County, MN, incidentally the same county that my own mother was born and raised in. Now living on the East coast, he periodically visits MN, ND and Montana in the summer to take photographs of "desolate landscapes."

The nostalgia of these photos for me was overwhelming. A squat line of Sioux grain bins, sentinels across a blank prairie; huge skylines highlighted by one lonely silo; long forgotten farmhouses slowly being reclaimed by the earth, tiled at precarious angles and poised to collapse (I remember crawling through how many of those as a kid?!? Mom, why didn't you stop us?).

And then, when I noticed the $1500 price tags, I started to laugh.

I've been sitting on a gold mine all these years and didn't even know it!

M is for MN,
M.

What Is To Come

What is to come we know not. But we know
That what has been was good - was good to show,
Better to hide, and best of all to bear.
We are the masters of the days that were;
We have lived, we have loved, we have suffered...even so.

Shall we not take the ebb who had the flow?
Life was our friend. Now, if it be our foe-
Dear, though it spoil and break us! - need we care
What is to come?
Let the great winds their worst and wildest blow,
Or the gold weather round us mellow slow;
We have fulfilled ourselves, and we can dare
And we can conquer, though we may not share
In the rich quiet of the afterglow
What is to come.

-Wiliam Ernest Henley

Stupid Megan Stupid Tagged Me and Took All the People I Would've Tagged. She's Greedy.

Ahem.

Six weird things about me:

1) I HATE folding my clothes once they're clean. My underpants often end up in a wad in my drawer. Strangely enough though, I DO like to refold my clothes when I'm done wearing them (if they're still clean within reason, ofcourse) and put them BACK in the drawer. Go fig.

2) I don't like anything in pop culture if I percieve it to be 'too popular.' (ie, it took me a long time to read the Harry Potter books!)

3) I recently found out that 'it is weird' to announce the number of boyfriends a person has after counting the remaining lit candles on a birthday cake that's been blown out. Apparently, this meaning is regionalized to the upper midwest and El Salvador. (These are the only people I can find to verify this!)

4) Raw chicken frightens me. I am compuslive sanitizer when I cook it. Just short of pouring a bucket of bleach over the counter tops/chopping block/knives/etc.

5) I don't like pie. Or anything with slimey fruit. Bleah. Conversely however, I luuuuuv pie crust.

6) I'd pick a ham sandwich over chocolate any day.

While I think this might be an interesting exercise for some, I've had a tough time coming up with 'weird things'. Per #3, since living in a large house, with many different people, from many different nations, I've learned that weird is a very relative term.

For example, I had a roommate in college that would, before eating, put down a place mat, set the table, pour exactly a 3/4 cup milk, make a plate of food and fold her napkin in a neat setting. I used to think this was weird. (No, not everyone eats out of a trough like I do!)

Of course, I used to think that paying your rent on time was normal - but I guess I've been proven wrong there, too.

So yeah, weird. Sometimes I am, sometimes I'm not.

Depends on who you ask.

M.

I Go for the Coffee.

I've come across an appropriately liberal Methodist church in DuPont circle that I just love. The church is what is known as a Reconciling Congregation - and being Dupont circle - it's full of same sex couples and others from the GLBT community. Also, there is a sign language interpreter and many handicapped individuals in wheelchairs assisted by wide aisles and even a few shortened pews so they can sit 'with' the congregation and not in the aisle. (If I were handicapped I would hate that!).

Also, lots of mixed race couples, which is reassuring.

And very friendly people, without being pushy (ok, maybe they're a little pushy, but it's nice).

The only down side is the parking, which can be brutal as there's no lot and it IS DuPont. However, even that has a plus side because you know how many people are out at 10am on a Sunday morning in downtown DC? Comparatively, not many.

PLUS, once you have parked for church you have a rockin' spot to check out the farmer's market, grab a cup of coffee and a newspaper or go to brunch in this terrific neighborhood.

But the real kicker? They have fair trade coffee.

Yes, I go to church for the coffee.

Jesus should've forgone the grape juice and went straight to espresso shots. He would've REALLY had the pews filled then!

Amen.